"Life took over 4 billion years to evolve into you, and you've about 70 more years to enjoy it. Don't just pursue happiness, catch it." - Eric Idle
Considering the title of this blog, it was only a matter of time before I resorted to some cheap Python plagiarising. So with apologies to John, Michael, Graham, Terry, Eric and Terry…
Crispian: I’ve got cancer, the bastard. It infected my right kidney, and it has spread, I now have a secondary tumour and tumours on my tumours.
Colin: And on your tumours’ tumours’ tumours.
Crispian: Yes.
Colin: And on your tumours' tumours' tumours' tumours.
Crispian: All right, Colin. Don't labour the point. And what has cancer ever given me in return?
David: A greater sense of perspective on what is truly important in life?
Crispian: Oh yeah, yeah it gave me that. Yeah. That's true.
Morgan: More time off work to spend at home with your wife and family!
Tori: Oh yes... family time, Crispian, you remember what it was like when you were at work all the time.
Crispian: All right, I'll grant you that a sense of perspective and more family time are two things that Cancer has done...
Rolan: And rekindling old friendships...
Crispian: (sharply) Well yes obviously rekindling old friendships... friendships go without saying. But apart from the sense of perspective, the family time and the rekindled friendships...
John: Conquering the fear of death?
Sean: A greater appreciation of your remaining time and how best to spend it?
Deborah: More frequent visits from friends and family?
Paul: A disabled fast pass to skip the queues on all the rides at Disneyland Paris?
Kevin: A blue badge so you can park wherever you like?
Richard: Free prescriptions?
Sandra: Priority appointments with your GP?
Crispian: Yes... all right, fair enough...
Malcolm: And new material for this cancer blog...
Karl: Oh yes! True!
Clio: Yeah. That's something we'd really miss if you didn’t have cancer, Crispian.
Marianne: The opportunity to take part in clinical trials to advance our understanding of cancer?
Elizabeth: And you’ve won an Ockham award now.
Dave: Yes, it certainly got you a load of sympathy... (general nodding)... let's face it, they're no way you could have won such a prestigious award otherwise.
(more general murmurs of agreement)
Crispian: All right... all right... but apart from a better perspective on what is truly important in life, more time at home with my wife and children, getting back in touch with old friends, conquering the fear of death, a greater appreciation of my remaining time and how best to enjoy it, more trips and visits to see the people I love, fast access to all of the best rides at theme parks, a blue badge to get the best parking spots, free prescriptions and priority GP appointments, plenty of stuff to write about for this blog, the opportunity to take part in a clinical trial and provide data that will advance the scientific understanding of cancer and an Ockham award... what has cancer done for me?
Colin: Got you a Wikipedia page!
Crispian: (very angry) What!? Oh... (scornfully) Wikipedia page, yes... shut up!